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Career science is a branch of science in the world of Bear Stearns Bravo that focuses on studying how workplaces operate. It is said to be mainly theoretical, but does sometimes produce tangible results. [1].

TheoryEdit

Career Science Break It Down01:20

Career Science Break It Down

Dr. Lafayette explains some basic tenets of career science for the layperson[2].

Businesses (and everything that composes them e.g. buildings, bonds & bonds) are made up of the element workonium, which is composed of careeroids. At the centre of every careeroid are employons orbiting around bossicules, much like how electrons orbit protons in an atom. Bossicules seek to acquire as many employons as possible, but if it acquires too many the bossicule slows down, making it easy prey for larger bossicules[3].

When two bossicules of equal size collide, it is known as a "worksplosion". When a worksplosion happens, outer employons may be let go, but every worksplosion emits rays of pure "productovity". Bear Stearns seeks to weaponise these rays to destroy their competitors' buildings[3].

Bullies and bossicules have a lot in common. Similarities include that they both:

  • love big meals.
  • have loud voices.
  • make rules.

However, bullies and bossicules have differences too, for example:

  • Bossicules are a lot bigger than bullies.
  • Bossicules wear fancy suits.
  • Bullies are insecure about how they look.
  • Bossicules have style to spare.
  • Bossicules can do it all[4]

In July 2007, career scientists broke the maximum effort limit, which previously stood at 110%, with a new theoretical high of 200%, though at the time of the breakthrough the discoverers announced that they "don't expect anyone to hit 200% for a long time"[5][6].

RelationshipsEdit

Career science posits that certain couples are more compatible than others depending on the job type of each partner[7].

Low-Risk pairings include:

  • Wiccan & Baseball Player
  • Data Worker & Data Worker
  • Regulator & Masseuse
  • Senator & Career Scientist

High-Risk pairings include:

  • Alchemist & Car Store Labourer
  • Spam Bot & Channel
  • Judge & Doctor
  • Adventurer & Singer

TarotEdit

Main article: Tarot
Calling

Career science tarot cards. Depicted here are High Brown (left), The American Dream (centre) and Dance Floor Calling (right)

Dr. Colorado, as a demonstration of career science to Franco[1], reads cards similar to the Rider-Waite Tarot, but with different symbology (e.g., instead of cards like Death and Lovers, she draws cards like the Moldy Pantsuit, Change I and Change II). Some of these cards are referenced in How to Pronounce 32.

Notable Career ScientistsEdit

Notable Career Science PublicationsEdit

  • Career Science For The Rest Of Us! High School Edition, S. Kekler, 2006
  • The TruePair Job Matrix: Optimal Pairing through Career Science, M. Galleti, 2000
  • Remember to Suceed: Big Memory, Best Career! Blackstar Books, 2005
  • Dr. Rodeo's Chuckle-A-Day Career Science Calendar: Newlywed Bliss (And OTHER Oxymorons!), K. Rodechenko, 1999
  • Dr. Lafayette's thesis on agitated bossicules

GalleryEdit

TriviaEdit

  • The career science textbooks make several references to This Is My Milwaukee, including:
    • Remember to Suceed: Big Memory, Best Career! was published via Blackstar Books, Blackstar being the company who unleashed Go.D.S.E.E.D. in TIMM. Also, the specific except from that book shown in Second Impact mentions Blackstar data specialists Mark & Sally, who go out for drinks after work. In the TIMM promo video, Mark & Sally were young professionals who lived in Milwaukee, and worked at Blackstar, and were shown going for margaritas after work.
  • Dr. Colorado claimed that career science is a "sister to regulation", and founded on scepticism.
  • In the newsbreak section of Bear Stearns Bravo, career science (with specific reference to career science cards) was referred to as "dark arts" and "on the rise with wily 20-somethings".

SpeculationEdit

  • It seems that the analogy between elements & atoms, and workonium and other related career ccience concepts is not meant to be literal, and that career science is largely a metaphor for the work place & how it runs, hence the title
  • Career science seems to be intended as satire regarding, and draws heavily from, the occult art of divination.

External LinksEdit

ReferencesEdit

  1. 1.0 1.1 Dr. Colorado, Career Science Parlour, Second Impact, BSB
  2. Career Science: Break It Down, BSB YouTube channel
  3. 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 Dr. Lafayette, First Impact, BSB
  4. Career Science For The Rest Of Us, Los Angeles Public Library, Second Impact
  5. screenshot of BravoNet newsbar, contemporaneous with events taking place in July 2007
  6. screenshot of BravoNet newsbar, contemporaneous with events taking place in July 2007
  7. The TruePair Job Matrix: Optimal Pairing through Career Science, The Library, Second Impact, BSB

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